The VerSpanken is a funny toy. Chris from Sex Health had been asking me about them for ages and I finally caved in and agreed to test drive one. It’s a new masturbator from Big Teaze Toys, designed to stimulate the penis and I was lucky enough to receive the standard VerSpanken and a set of wavy inserts (WaterWieners) to mix and match.
You may have seen the marketing for the VerSpanken. There’s a really cool video with a stick man who buys one and tries it out in different ways and some funny comic strips, too. They show the stick man excited about buying his toy, trying it out with his partner and, my favourite, with his partner watching him whilst sipping a Martini. Brilliant!
The VerSpanken is a great idea for a toy. It’s not too expensive (£45 for the main toy), the main part/holder is made from durable plastic and you can interchange inserts for different textures & sensations. The foam inserts are made from a latex free material, but it doesn’t say exactly what it is. They’re fine, but some of the other inserts are more fun. If you buy the WaterWieners inserts (£25) you can also heat them up or cool them down (or both). In spite of all these benefits though, the VerSpanken is still a little underwhelming. It feels fun to use, but then so does not using a toy at all to masturbate.
I’ve tried the regular foam inserts that come with the VerSpanken and the WaterWieners, which are a slightly bigger more versatile set of inserts. The foam inserts work fine, but the WaterWieners are more fun simply because you can use them for temperature play. I kept mine in the fridge for some time and microwaved them to test them out. Hot felt better than room temperature but cold was even more fun.
Even with temperature play, however, the VerSpanken isn’t a toy that I’d particularly look forward to using. There’s nothing essentially wrong with it, but it’s just not fun enough. And I think I know why.
It’s taken me a while to pinpoint exactly what was wrong with it and it’s the material. It’s just too smooth and shiny. With masturbators, texture is pretty much everything. Sure, you can add in temperature play or vibrations to make any toy a little better, but with it comes to sticking your penis in something, texture is king. And this is where the VerSpanken falls down slightly. The material used for the inserts is a little too smooth and shiny. Sure, with lube it feels ok, but then a set of arm bands for swimming would feel ok if lubed up and masturbated with. And I’m not entirely sure I’d be able to take the Pepsi challenge and tell the difference. OK, that was a little harsh, but it’s this toy isn’t like the Erolution Super Sckr or Fleshlight that feels good the moment you stick something in it.
There are lots of things I like about this toy. The implementation of a toy with multiple inserts is good. The marketing is good fun. The temperature play is a brilliant addition. It’s just not quite good enough for me to rave about.
The VerSpanken is a great idea and, in time, I’m sure could be a fantastic toy, but Big Teaze need to create inserts that feel a bit better. Inserts that have a little more texture, would make this toy a lot more fun to use. They also need to sell the VerSpanken with WaterWieners included, instead of the foam inserts. Big Teaze – I hope you’re listening, you’re so close to a great toy, but just not quite there yet!
To summarise, the VerSpanken isn’t a bad toy, it’s just not a great toy. If you buy one, you’ll enjoy it, but I’d advise buying the WaterWieners as well, as temperature play is the best thing about it. Thanks Chris for sending it to me!
You can pick them up here at Sex Health along with the Water Wieners here. For an overview of all VerSpanken toys sold by Sex Health, click here.